Families Caring for Aging Parents

by

American Mental Health Counselors Association

Caring for aging parents is a difficult task. Mental health counselors can provide adult children with important information which can help them become better caregivers.

Mental health counselors can work with caregivers to discover different ways of providing care to the aging parent so everyone ends up feeling good about themselves and each other.

Facts about caregivers of an aging parent

• Adult children, often daughters and daughters-in-law, are the main providers of care for impaired older persons.
• As aging parents begin to need help, adult children are busy with their own children or have finished raising their families and now have their own goals.
• Adult children may feel burdened, angry, resentful, and overwhelmed as their aging parent(s) becomes dependent.

Facts about aging

• As parents age, they may experience many physical and mental changes. These changes may be due to the normal aging process or to a medical condition.
• Medications and alcohol may affect aging parents differently.
• As their bodies age, aging parents may not be able to handle as much medication or alcohol.
• Too much medication or alcohol could cause aging parents to act confused, forgetful, and angry.
• Caregivers need to obtain medical assistance for the older person if changes occur which do not seem to be part of the aging process.

Aging parents often have feelings of loss and grief.

• Losses may include the death of friends and other family members, retirement, lower income, and a decreased sense of independence.
• As these losses occur older persons may experience feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, embarrassment, and emptiness. Expressing these feelings is important.
• Aging parents may also express a wish to right past wrongs and to spend more time with their adult children.

How can adult children deal with the frustration that caregiving can bring?

• Adult children must balance their own needs, the needs of their spouses, and the needs of their children as well as the needs of the aging parent(s).
• Adult children can learn better communication skills for dealing with their feelings of frustration, loss, and sadness.
• Adult children need to have the opportunity to express their feelings about "parenting their parents".
• Adult children must learn to take time to restore and refuel themselves.

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