Healing to the Roots

by Judith Barr

Contact Info:
Company: Mysteries of Life
P O Box 603,
Brookfield, CT 06804
Phone: 203-775-5006
E-mail: judbarr@judithbarr.com
Website: www.judithbarr.com

A few years ago, I published an audio cassette - "Weeding Through Distortion to the Truth."  In the tape I expressed my concern about the harm caused to people in their journeys by distortions that are being reinforced by movements in our society which offer to teach us, and help us heal and grow.  I shared with you that whether through distortion in the teachings  themselves, through distortions  brought by the teachers, or through distortions spread in the growth of the movement ... I have seen, heard of, experienced distortions  that have become part of psychology and psychotherapy, spirituality and healing, the recovery movement, religion, the women's movement and women's spirituality, the new age ...

I published "Weeding ..." to help undo, dissolve, and transform some of the distortions, and to inspire courage and discernment in response to others.  More of the same is needed now.  This article has been cooking in the cauldron of my being, gestated from my ever growing love and passion for this healing work I do - both with myself in my own journey and with others who feel called to the deepest healing possible.  It is fed by my profound pain each time I am witness to the damage done to people by distortions in our culture.  It was birthed through my leading a workshop in November - "Generating Our Living from the Life Within: Healing the Split Between Money and Spirit."  In the group I offered teachings, inspiration, and midwifery that I had offered many times before.  This particular circle received it and worked with it to the depths.  Many thanks to the women who participated, and whose positive mutuality has helped to bring this forth.

In the weeks since the workshop --- people have come to me again and again, painfully carrying the wounds of these kinds of distortions.  Repeatedly they have come in despair; repeatedly, as I've offered them what follows, they've left with new, and this time the beginnings of true, hope.  I share that hope with you now.

 

Through wounds in our souls, our hearts, and the very cells of our bodies, we have come to believe in the illusion of a poor and empty universe, within and without.  This illusion, on both conscious and unconscious levels, creates a vicious cycle that results in our splitting ourselves off from the riches that surround, penetrate, and flow through us - love, truth wisdom, clarity, our gifts ... everything available to us on every level of our being within and without.

We respond to the split in many ways ... we hoard ourselves, save ourselves, withhold ourselves; we squander ourselves, waste ourselves, throw ourselves away; we give ourselves away, barter ourselves, sell ourselves; we invest ourselves, steward ourselves, love ourselves, hold ourselves as sacred.  And just as we respond to the split in these ways regarding the resources and riches that we are ... so also do we respond in these ways regarding other resources and economies in our lives: time, money, energy, nourishment, love ...

Split off from the riches available to us, within us, and of us... we then long for wealth.  The problem is ... having split off from our richness, we then reach for it outside ourselves.

The problem is ... we then reach for it by building on deficit.  On an inner level, we begin to build positive beliefs and life patterns on top of unconscious and partially-conscious negative beliefs and patterns.  This is building on deficit."

For example ...

When we unconsciously believe we are of no value, we build on deficit.

When we unconsciously believe we will never make it, we build on deficit.

When we unconsciously believe we deserve to be punished, we build on deficit.

When we unconsciously give in to our lower selves, while appearing to be, and consciously believing we are aligned with our Higher Selves, we build on deficit.

When we live from our masks and other defenses - even though we may be able to justify them - we build on deficit.

The problem is ... building on deficit can seem to work for awhile.  This illusion can be very convincing, especially when we want it to be.  And by the time the illusion  begins to crumble, we have invested so much in the illusion itself, we have invested so much in the mask, we have invested so much in the appearance, we have invested so much in hiding the deficit ... that we are afraid to expose our deficits and the inner bankruptcy that is beginning to erupt.  We are afraid the exposure will mean that we will never escape from this poverty.  Quite the contrary ... the hiddenness is what will keep us in poverty.

It is heartbreaking to me to have people come to me again and again, who have not been taught the depth of healing that is possible for them.  It is so painful to know that these people have not been taught that as the mask and defenses are dissolved we will, naturally and inevitably, meet aspects of ourselves that are uncomfortable, painful, and perhaps even frightening.  As a result of the lack of teaching this ... people run away before the miracles of transformation can really occur.  Then when they come back in the spiral to the same place howling to be healed, they are discouraged, frightened, and despairing.  The depth of healing that is  possible needs to be known..  We need to know it and teach it ... in order to heal to the roots and not build on deficit, but rather on new solid, ground.

It is very tempting at these critical  crossroads in our journeys ...

*to take the path that will help us avoid the pain of our deepest images of ourselves, others, life, and the universe;

*to take the path that will help us avoid the  pain of our deepest wounds;

*to take the path that will help us continue to function in the outer world, while avoiding the call to our inner world.

It is tempting enough as a soul on a journey to avoid the pain and continue to function.  It is additionally tempting because there is so much emphasis in our world on functioning! and because there is such disdain, contempt, and blame for pain in our world - both obvious and insidious!  We are taught to rise above our fears!  We are taught to will ourselves through our pain!  We are taught to use affirmations to banish our wounds!  We are taught to change our thoughts and words in order to change our futures!  We are taught to masquerade in the clothes of a new idealized self image, without being held and helped to do the work that will lead us through the layers to truly heal the wounds and truly inhabit our Higher Self in our cells.  As someone wrote in one of my testimonials years ago, we are taught "to act holy without being whole."  These distortions only hide, even bury, the precious clues, vitally needed to find our way to our deepest pains, our deepest wounds, our deepest strengths and our deepest roots.

How is it that even in systems where the essence of the intention is healing to the roots, we find ourselves trying to remove or fix the symptoms by force or manipulation, while leaving the wounds unhealed?  And alas!  How is it that people are demeaned, humiliated, and shunned when they are unable to respond at that superficial level - left to walk away, believing even more deeply that something is terribly wrong with them, thus increasing the deficit instead of reversing the bankruptcy?  How is it that the most sacred forms, even prayers, are being used to help us try to rise above and go around the pain of our ancient wounds, instead of through them - the only way, in truth, we can heal?

These tactics only further the split we once created in an attempt to protect ourselves.  They lessen the chances of healing as they result in our widening the duality and making harmful choices.  Choices like trying to heal in our heads and wills to avoid the pain of healing in our hearts and the cells of our bodies.  Choices like trying to get rid of our egos in an attempt to reach our Divine core, to avoid the organic process of maturing our egos until they are ready to align with, join with, unite with our Divine core.  Choices like functioning in the outer world to avoid the work of developing the capacity to create our outer world from our inner world.  Choices like turning to the light and doing the work of the Higher Self, in an effort to avoid the work of transforming the lower self back into its original Divine essence. 

Please do not distort and misuse what I am saying here.  At  the same time as having said all of the above, the following must be acknowledged.  For each of us, our path is one of evolution.  We cannot get to the roots all at once.  To walk in truth and love on our journeys we need to unfold, emerge, and descend in the spiral organically, in a time and rhythm that is right for who we are.

As a result, the path that avoids the pain and keeps us functioning may be a necessary one for a given person at a particular point along her path ... for example, as she develops the capacity to feel, hold, and express the pain in a way that will serve her rather than harm her because it is premature.  But if we are to make that choice in our journey, it is important to do so consciously ... knowing that through this choice, we will not heal the wound to its roots; we will, as a result, be using extraordinary amounts of our life energy to hold the pain at bay, and to avoid situations that might bring us face to face with it.  But if we are to make that choice in  our journey, it is important to do so consciously ... knowing that at some crossroads down the path, when we are ready, it is vital to make the other choice ... the choice to descend into the pain, so that we can come through it healing the wound and forging strength in the process.

The pain of exposing our deficits, our bankruptcy ... comes from the misunderstanding and misinterpretation that by doing so we are sealing our fate to living in poverty forever, in some form or other.  We don't trust that the unhealthy way we manage our resources can be changed; we don't trust that we can create, true wealth in a healthy way;  we don't trust that we can live in an abundant flow.

We must dare to allow ourselves to bring our weaknesses, immaturities, distortions, wounds, and lower self energy to the fore ... in a healthy and safe container in a healthy and safe way, for the purpose of healing and transformation.  We must dare to allow ourselves to stop covering them up with a guise.

The truth is, and I have experienced it personally, again and again... the truth is, only when we are willing to expose the inner hidden deficits, can we create new possibility; only when we are open to reveal the inner bankruptcy, can we lay a new solid foundation for true treasure to emerge.  Only when we no longer defend against the pain of our deepest inner poverty, can we hope to heal, and transform our poverty into true abundance.

I believe that wealth does not come from the outside.  We are not filled from the outside.  Wealth comes from the inside.  We each already have within us all that we could ever wish to be.

Be filled with care here!  This truth has been grossly distorted to teach us that we don't need others.  That is just as damaging a distortion as is reaching outside for the wealth we have within us.

At the core of each of our beings, is that innermost center, which gives us what we need ... life force, wisdom, vision, love, truth, solutions, inspirations, power, creativity and more ...  In a child, this live center reveals itself as tender, open, soft and vulnerable.  Without a mature ego, a child cannot handle the live center.  When hurt, the child defends herself.  She hides and then buries the live center under layers and layers of defense, until finally, she separates the live center from her consciousness as a way of self-protection.  This cripples her, though, and leaves out the best part of her being.

In this way, it is we, ourselves, who create a poor and empty universe.  A universe with buried treasure - our live center - that we have forgotten exists.  Anything built over the live center - instead of from within the live center - is built on deficit.  Any attempt to return to the live center by force, manipulation, and will is built on deficit.  The sandy grounds of deficit will eventually shift and cause the structure to collapse.

We need to reveal the layers of defense and deficit.  We need to reveal our poverty.  Only then can we stand open and allow the unfoldment of the live center at our core.  Only then can we release the gifts of us that fully exist on another level of reality but need to be brought forth into this material reality and developed into their fullness.  I pray to help us give birth to the riches that we already are in essence, then to protect and nourish them into their fullness.

WE CANNOT AFFORD ANYMORE TO NOT FEEL THE HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR, THE TERROR AND FURY, THE HURT AND SORROW THAT WE ONCE DEFENDED AGAINST LONG AGO.  WE CANNOT AFFORD TO FIX THE OUTER PROBLEM, WANTING TO BELIEVE IT IS A CURE, WHILE LEAVING THE INNER PROBLEM UNATTENDED, UNWITNESSED, UNRECEIVED, UNHEALED.  WE CAN NO LONGER SPLIT APART THE DARK AND THE LIGHT AND WORK WITH ONLY ONE SIDE OR THE OTHER; WE ARE CALLED TO WORK WITH BOTH.  IN HER SONG, "OPEN IT UP," JENNIFER BEREZAN SINGS -

          "IF WE CANNOT FACE THE DARKNESS,

          WE WILL NOT SEE THE LIGHT.

          THERE'S BEAUTY IN THE DAY,

          BUT THERE IS HEALING IN THE NIGHT."

WE'VE COME TO A POINT IN OUR JOURNEYING INDIVIDUALLY AND AS A PLANET, WHERE WE ARE BEING CALLED TO HEAL OURSELVES TO THE ROOTS!

THIS TAKES GREAT COURAGE AND COMMITMENT, WILLINGNESS AND LONGING. WE MUST WORK TILL WE COME TO THE PLACE WHERE WE NOT ONLY REALIZE IN OUR MINDS THAT THE HARMFUL THINGS WE BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES ARE UNTRUE, BUT ALSO FEEL IT IN OUR HEARTS, THE CELLS OF OUR BODIES, OUR ENERGY FIELDS, THE VERY SUBSTANCE OF OUR SOULS.  THIS DEPTH COMES FROM ALLOWING, NOT FORCING, OURSELVES TO MOVE THROUGH OUR DEFENSES SO THAT WE MAY FEEL THE PAIN THAT WAS THERE AS WE FIRST CAME TO BELIEVE THESE THINGS.

USING AFFIRMATIONS AND PRAYERS AND EVEN THE THERAPEUTIC AND SPIRITUAL WORK TO RISE ABOVE AND GO AROUND THE PAIN OF OUR ANCIENT WOUNDS IS NOT THE SOLUTION.  BEING CAREFUL OF OUR LANGUAGE AND TRYING NOT TO USE WORDS OR THINK THOUGHTS THAT ARE OF LACK OR LIMITATION ... ONLY HIDES THE CLUES NEEDED TO FIND OUR WAY TO THE ROOTS.  WE NEED FOLLOW THOSE WORDS AND THOSE THOUGHTS TO THE DEEPEST PAINS, THE DEEPEST WOUNDS.  IT IS  SO PAINFUL TO FIND SOMEONE I'M WORKING WITH HAS BEEN TAUGHT TO HIDE THOSE VITAL CLUES.  FORCING OUR WAY THROUGH FEAR MAY HELP US IN THE OUTER WORLD FOR A TIME ... BUT THAT IS BUILDING ON DEFICIT.  THE DEEP FEAR AND THE WOUNDS THAT CREATED IT GET  PUSHED BACK INTO A TOMB WITHIN, AND CONTINUE TO AFFECT US, ALBEIT PERHAPS SILENTLY, UNTIL THEY BURST FORTH AGAIN.

I pray that what I am offering will not be distorted and misused.  I pray to help us dissolve the illusion of a poor and empty universe, within and without.  I pray to help us reveal the deficits and even the bankruptcy in our lives, so that we may heal and transform them ... so that we may begin to build not on deficit but rather on the rich, fertile, foundation   that truly exists.  I pray to help us heal to the very roots of our beings.

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*I give thanks to The Guide, channeled through Eva Pierrakos.  It is in the Guide's lecture Number 250, "Releasing Awareness and Faith in Divine Grace: Exposing The Deficit," that I first saw words put to my knowing of healing at the deepest levels.  Over the years I have integrated what the Guide offered with what was already my own.   As a result, I acknowledge that what I have written is an interweaving of my own inspiration and the Guide's teaching, in some places paraphrased.  The same is true for the Guide's Lecture Number 139, "Deadening of the Live Center Through Misinterpretation of Reality.

 

©  Judith Barr, 1998

Contact Info:
Company: Mysteries of Life
P.O. Box 218
North Salem, NY 10560
Phone: (914) 669-5822
E-mail: judbarr@judithbarr.com
Website: www.judithbarr.com

 

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