What to Give the Child Who Has Everything
By Kate Spradlin LMSW-ACP, BCD, LMFT
Contact Info:
#10 Medical Parkway
Plaza Three, Suite 303
Dallas, Texas 75234
Phone: (972) 241-7375
Website: www.provisionsconsulting.com/Spradlin.htm
The child who has everything, for our purposes here, is not the child with the large wardrobe or the full toy chest. Rather, the child who has everything is the child who has the basic emotional requirements in life; love, respect, patience, and understanding. These basics are a product of parents with good intentions. They help to establish a sense of belonging in the child, and to provide a platform on which to build. These gifts are a good start, but they are not enough. What do you give the child who has everything, then?
The first gift for this child is their very own, unique structure and guidelines, consisting of:
- Clear and consistent rules, expectations and a sense of structureValues and moralsUnderstanding of their parents thoughts, feelings, and interestsGuidance in expressing their emotions appropriatelyResponsibilities, in an age-appropriate way, for their belongings, chores, care of the house or yard, etc.
- Accountability for their thoughts, feelings and actions.
The second gift is the gift of freedom within the structure you have provided, including:
- The power to impact their own environmentA sense of competence to master age-appropriate tasksTime to solve problems for them selvesPermission to explore their worldsThe opportunity to learn from their own successes and failuresThe chance to experience the natural consequences of their actions and their behaviorThe room to express their thoughts and feelingsEnough space in which to develop their own sense of self, interests, etc.
- Recognition that we all, parents and children alike, make mistakes.
The structure you provide must always be adaptable and responsive. As the child masters more skills in life, they must be allowed more room to "test the envelope" and to bump their noses when they reach the limits. Our sense of competence begins early – with learning to express ourselves with words, walk, feed ourselves, put ourselves to sleep and so on. As we progress through each developmental stage of childhood and adolescence, we are mastering skills that prepare us to become fully functioning adults. We build self-esteem in our children by encouraging a sense of competence, a sense of belonging, empathy for self and others, and an ability to take appropriate risks. Remember the exquisite feel of accomplishment when you realized you could ride your bike without your training wheels? Children learn from both their successes and their failures - and from our responses to them in both instances.The exploration and mastery cycle continues throughout every one of life’s developmental stages. As we gain mastery over each new level of life skills, we become ready to approach another level and begin exploring all over. And so on, and so on, until at some point we find we have moved from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood.
Although there are other gifts, this list can contribute to empowering your child. An empowered child is a child who can make choices, think for themselves, and be accountable to themselves and others. An empowered child also stands a much better chance of growing up to become a fully functional, emotionally healthy adult, and that is a pretty special gift – even for the child who has everything.
Kate Spradlin
From "Parenting Survival Skills - More Than Just Love and Band-Aids"
© 2000 Advances in Wellness
Contact Info:
Kate Spradlin LMSW-ACP, BCD, LMFT
#10 Medical Parkway
Plaza Three, Suite 303
Dallas, Texas 75234
Phone: (972) 241-7375
Website: www.provisionsconsulting.com/Spradlin.htm
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