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Helping Children Cope with Trauma
Children and youth, as well as adults, will feel the ramifications of
the attacks at the World Trade Center for a long time. It may be
tempting to try to put it out of our minds or think that kids won't be
affected, but young people need to be able to openly express their
feelings: shock, fear, anger, denial, guilt, or depression. How we help
children deal with grief and loss determines how they will develop
coping skills as they mature. Some things to remember:
- Listen to them, but don't force them to share; let it come
naturally. One of the most important needs after a trauma is to talk
about the event - often. It may be difficult for you to hear about,
or you may tire of hearing the same story, but talking is a crucial
part of recovery. Be supportive and sympathetic, but avoid
overreacting. Don't try to make it okay; let them express fears,
thoughts, and worries.
- Give honest information about the tragedy and deaths based on the
child's maturity level. Always be truthful. Avoid euphemisms with
children. Tell the child that someone died rather than saying
someone "went to sleep" or "went away" because
younger children will wonder when they are coming back or be hurt
that they left without saying goodbye.
- Keep all promises you make to your child during the crisis. In
other words, do not make promises you cannot keep. It is important
that your child can count on you when all else is in chaos.
- It's okay to tell your child that you don't have all the answers
to his or her questions. Validate their thoughtful questioning.
- Be available to talk to your kids. Talk about the loss/trauma as a
family. Sharing can be very healing for everyone. Silence can make
children feel isolated, and may convey the message that they should
limit their grieving.
- Like adults, children grieve at their own pace. Respect where they
are in that process.
- Allow the child to express all the emotions he or she is feeling.
Children need to know that their feelings are normal grief feelings
even though they might not be normal feelings under other
circumstances. If feelings such as anger or guilt persist for many
months, professional help might be necessary to help them resolve
those feelings.
- Very young children who may not have the verbal skills to express
their feelings may express them through other means such as
play-acting and/or drawing. Help them name what they are expressing.
- Older children are drawn together in situations of tragedy and
will draw strength and support from each other. Give liberty to
teenagers around how they make themselves feel better, e.g. turning
the stereo on loud, talking on the phone more than usual to their
friends. Allow them privacy (both in physical space and to deal with
their feelings) if they need it.
- Death in a child's life is inevitable and means different things
to children at different ages. Young children (ages 1-5) grieve for
the threat to their security, while children six years of age and
older grieve more for the actual loss.
- If children indicate in any way that they want help or counseling,
get it for them immediately. Most children are hesitant to ask
openly for formal counseling, so if this happens, consider it a
blatant cry for help.
- Don't expect your child to take care of your fears, i.e. don't
keep your child home from school because you are afraid to be
separated from him or her. Find help to cope with your fears.
For more information, contact your employee
assistance program (EAP), a counselor, or other service organization.

© 2007 CIGNA Behavioral Health
Self-Care Strategies | Helping Children Cope | How
Companies Can Help
Stress At Work | Stress
Reactions | Fear of Flying | PTSD
Resources for Providers
Survivor Guilt | Traumatic
Loss | Mourning | Stages
of Grief
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