Surviving The Holidays BY

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The holidays are here. They snuck up on us when we were busy and suddenly, we all have to have “Happy Holidays” and a “Merry Christmas.” But for those suffering a loss in life, the holidays can be anything but happy.

Grief, loneliness, depression, anxiety, anger, guilt...while these are all normal feelings that accompany a life loss, they can often seem overwhelming. Especially when these emotions occur during a traditionally festive time of year.

Holidays celebrated in the midst of a death, divorce, job loss, serious injury or geographic separation can put your life in a spin. You may feel trapped by events, with seemingly no way out. You may find yourself searching for answers, wondering how to survive, even questioning your sanity.

There are many ways you can help yourself. First, remember that you are not alone in your grief. Others who have suffered losses similar to yours have survived and flourished. And along the way, they discovered a few general guidelines that helped them through tearful times:

Feel What You Feel. The surest way to get through grief is to feel it--don’t deny it. This is a sad time for you and many emotions will be present, no matter how much others tell you to cheer up. If you want to cry...or yell...or do nothing...go ahead. They’re your feelings and they’re always right. Being honest with your feelings is the most important step in the healing process.

Be Flexible. Decide what you truly like about the holidays and change whatever is no longer comfortable or enjoyable. Holiday traditions are meant to serve you, not the other way around.

Ask For Support. Ask for help, whether you need someone to cook, shop or just listen. Your emotional and physical health will be limited, so don’t overextend. Enlist the assistance of friends and family. They’ll be glad to do it.

Reduce Stress. Holidays can be stressful all by themselves, let alone when you are experiencing a loss. Eliminate as much stress as possible. Try exercise, stress-relieving techniques, meditation or just ignoring the holiday customs others may pressure you to honor.

Treat Yourself. Do what’s best for you. If others don’t understand, it’s their problem. Your grief is unique to you, so choose what is best for you--whether to celebrate the season or not, whether to give gifts or not, whether to be happy or not.

It’s always difficult to suffer a life loss. But it’s doubly hard during “special” days. Whether it’s Christmas, Kwanzaa or The New Year, the holidays can bring a growing sense of sadness. And it’s okay to feel that way. Your emotions and their place in the healing process are much more important than a holiday. Do what you need to do.

Randy Gibson is a Licensed Professional counselor practicing in Dallas Texas. His areas of specialty include grief/depression, self esteem, anxiety disorders and bilingual services for Spanish speaking clients. Randy currently serves as clinical director for the Senior Counseling Geriatric Center and as a group facilitator for the Dallas Suicide and Crisis Center and the American Cancer Society. In his private practice Randy provides therapy for adults, senior adults, couples and families. For additional information Randy can be contacted through the Park Cities Counseling counseling center at: (214) 526-3374

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