The first gift for this child is their very own, unique structure and guidelines, consisting of:

1. Clear and consistent rules, expectations and a sense of structure
2. Values and morals
3. Understanding of their parents thoughts, feelings, and interests
4. Guidance in expressing their emotions appropriately
5. Responsibilities, in an age-appropriate way, for their belongings, chores, care of the house or yard, etc.
6. Accountability for their thoughts, feelings and actions.

The second gift is the gift of freedom within the structure you have provided, including:

1. The power to impact their own environment
2. A sense of competence to master age-appropriate tasks
3. Time to solve problems for them selves
4. Permission to explore their worlds
5. The opportunity to learn from their own successes and failures
6. The chance to experience the natural consequences of their actions and their behavior
7. The room to express their thoughts and feelings
8. Enough space in which to develop their own sense of self, interests, etc.
9. Recognition that we all, parents and children alike, make mistakes.

The structure you provide must always be adaptable and responsive. As the child masters more skills in life, they must be allowed more room to "test the envelope" and to bump their noses when they reach the limits.

Our sense of competence begins early – with learning to express ourselves with words, walk, feed ourselves, put ourselves to sleep and so on. As we progress through each developmental stage of childhood and adolescence, we are mastering skills that prepare us to become fully functioning adults. We build self-esteem in our children by encouraging a sense of competence, a sense of belonging, empathy for self and others, and an ability to take appropriate risks. Remember the exquisite feel of accomplishment when you realized you could ride your bike without your training wheels? Children learn from both their successes and their failures - and from our responses to them in both instances.

The exploration and mastery cycle continues throughout every one of life’s developmental stages. As we gain mastery over each new level of life skills, we become ready to approach another level and begin exploring all over. And so on, and so on, until at some point we find we have moved from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood.